Hakuna Matata

It means no worries for the rest of our days
It's our problem free philosophy
Hakuna Matata
-Timon and Pumba, The Lion King

Could it be the first stage of schizoid behavior? Follow me. I think I'm going somewhere with this. I'm not deep guys. And I'm not trying to be. Consider this me processing out loud.

Cognitive dissonance. Acting one way despite your personal beliefs, or doing something when you feel the opposite. If I'm sad, I really act happy. If I'm pissed off, I smile. Who in hell came up with this crap? Seriously. I understand the power of positive thinking. But who says that I have to keep a stiff upper lip if I don't wanna?

Think of it as practice. Mind over matter you know. It's the kind of psychology that promotes wellness when you think about it. Really. If life hands you lemons, you make lemonade, but how do you get to the point of producing lemonade from lemons? You have to first see the potential of the lemon instead of only thinking of the sour taste. You have to get to the place where you think "I wonder what would happen if I sweetened this up a bit?" "I'm not in love with this situation, but it is where I am right now. How can I turn this into something at least bearable?"

Just last week, I had two situations back to back that just a couple of years ago would have made me sit in a room, turn off all the lights, close the door, and listen to Paul Carrack on repeat (Solo Paul Carrack. Not when he was with The Squeeze or Mike & the Mechanics). But I consciously exercised cognitive dissonance. I decided that I would not cry, pout, or become angry. For what? After all the anger, the situation would still be unchanged. Instead, I could put all of that energy into improving the situation.

Here's the backstory:
When I first got married, I didn't cook. My husband wooed me by cooking for me when we were dating, so I expected him to do that once we were married; he's an EXCELLENT cook. But he expressed the desire for me to cook for him and to like it. Immediately in my mind I recite the line from Boomerang and remind him that he "didn't marry me for my cooking" and snap my gum. Cooking is a really big deal for him because it is associated with his love language (Acts of Service). I'm happy to do it. Plus, he's my Sugar so he can have whatever he wants from me. So over the years, I've perfected this culinary act of kindness, and we, as a couple, enjoy being foodies together. It's a huge part of our trips when we go out of town and we enjoy trying new recipies. It has become a significant part of our partnership.

When I am absolutely livid with my husband, I cook*. To be clear, I cook all the time, but I really get in the kitchen and whip up something extraordinary. And it's poison free. (Sidebar: I wouldn't do that, but I felt the need to say so because someone reading might be expecting that, and I just want to clear it up early.) I even go to the good grocery store. Why? Because when I'm angry with him, it's the LAST thing I FEEL like doing, but I do it anyway. First of all, it gives me something to help release that energy (Remember the Physics lesson from Two Can Play That Game?). Think about it; what else is better than picking up a butcher knife and chopping up garlic, onions, tomatoes, and veggies? And manually tenderizing meat? You can't stay angry long after that. Trust me. Second, it teaches me to manage my emotions. The last thing you want to do for something who has made you angry is serve them. I've grown to accept this as a major arc on my growth chart of maturity.

Hakuna Matata is about self control. It's about not letting your emotions rule you. Instead you rule your emotions. Hakuna Matata is the decision to have joy regardless of your situation. Try it. It's hard at first but it is a fantastic alternative to liquor, weed, cussing, and frustration. By the way, all of these are the formula for high blood pressure, and who needs that? Hakuna Matata will help you deal. Try it. After all, you've nothing to lose except for maybe some dead weight that if held on to for long can become bitterness and who needs that?



*cook is meant in context and as a euphamism (tee hee)

Civic Responsibility

Teaching is certainly a profession that chooses you. I get that now. My students often ask what made me become a teacher and the answer is never simple. Really. The question always sends me into a mental retrospective of the past ten years and the only thing I can come up with is that teaching chose me. More than the profession, I'm at a school right now where I'm needed. That's not as arrogant as it sounds. I'm sure you've been somewhere and had that feeling or seen the need for your presence, your gifts, your talents in that place. That's how I feel.

My school is 1/3 African American, 1/3 Hispanic, and 1/3 White. All of my children are wonderful, but they don't always act like it. There are a number of African American girls here who are pregnant and I am furious. There are a number of young African American men who have already seen the inside of a jail cell. Seriously. I don't have to tell you. The stats are out there. You've read them. The problem with stats is that they are numbers and it's easy to be detached from numbers. Let me make it a bit more real for you. The registrar called my classroom a couple of weeks ago and asked for X student's grade in my class. I told her that he had an F because I've only seen him about three times this semester. I then asked why she needed a grade, and she said, "he's incarcerated and they've asked for his grades." Incarcerated? Yes. Now imagine he's your son. Actually you don't have to, because he is.

I understand that teaching isn't just about grammar, spelling, literature, rhetoric, and composition. Oh no. In fact, I spend about 10% of my time doing that. I realize that I am on assignment. Especially with my kids. They have just as much potential as anyone else, they just need a chance to show the world they can do it. My kids get a bad rap because of their circumstances. But I'd like to see the best of students put in a mud pit and escape sparkling clean. It's virtually impossible.

So what's my point right? You're looking at the title and it seems I'm rambling about at risk teens. Well, whether you believe or not, these are your kids too. They are the future.

*Cue Eddie Murphy as the lead singer of Sexual Chocolate sans the activator, the gold crown, the baby blue tux, and the grinding* Ok. I couldn't resist.

At the top of President Obama's list of priorities is volunteerism. Spend time mentoring our youth and teens. If you're in Tulsa, Chicago, NYC, LA, NO, DC, VA, DFW, New Jersey, Houston, Milwaukee, OKC, KC, Oakland, San Francisco, Birmingham, or Miami, you can find someone to mentor. Kids need to see you doing your thing. At this age, modeling is so very important. That's how they learn what to do. THEY WILL DO WHAT THEY SEE SOMEONE ELSE DO-GOOD OR BAD. So they may as well follow in the footsteps of someone who is hard-working, well spoken, intelligent, educated, and lives a life of integrity right? Why you, you ask? I'll answer your question with this question-Why not you?

This entire time I've referred to the students as MY students. I've taken ownership. This is important because some of their parents don't even take ownership. But what if we became so involved with national mentoring initiatives that the mentors and volunteers outnumbered the absentee/deadbeat parents? Can you imagine? We have to stop looking at them as someone else's kids. Remember, it takes a village. Taking ownership of them teaches them ownership. You don't have to be a teacher to do this. Just volunteer. Every church, every city, every community has some sort of program with which you can become involved. If not, then start one. In the words of the great Cos, "COME ON PEOPLE!"